Suspicions

The Other Woman

I think my husband is cheating on me. I do. He’s gone at all hours of the day and night. There are days where we literally don’t see each other at all. Like right now, his schedule is such a mess, that I have stopped going grocery shopping, because I don’t even get to see him to share a meal together. Sometimes he’s so busy at work, I won’t even get a text from him until he’s leaving the hospital. But that’s weird, right? I mean how hard is it to check your phone? I know your hospital is the 3rd busiest hospital in the state (Yeah, I looked it up. He wasn’t lying on that count). I know you’re a doctor, and I know you’re probably busy with the patients in the rooms, in the hallways, in the extra chairs that are lined up to fill the empty wall space, and the patients who still haven’t been seen…but come on! Check your phone!

And when we’re out with his coworkers, and they mention how much he’s been working, they always give me that smug, sympathetic smile… Or worse, when I meet his coworkers for a dinner date, and my husband hasn’t arrived yet, because he’s still “at work.” Oh! The looks I get! I think they’re in on his little affair. Always making excuses or quickly changing the subject about his “long hours” in the “E.D.” His shifts at “work” should only be 9 hours long…but he comes home far later than that, sometimes working additional hours on the “notes” that he should have written while at work, but was too “busy with patients” to complete.

Sometimes his pockets are brimming with folded bits of paper and yellow stickery things. I bet those are love letters. Yeah, see, because I keep hearing him talk about this “E.D.” person. I bet that’s who he’s spending all of his time with. It’s not the Emergency Department. No. It’s code. It’s a whole different type of proper noun. I think he’s seeing a woman named “Eddy” (rhymes with beady.  Like her eyes).

I’ve been looking her up too. I won’t be fooled. I bet her real name is something boring and old like Edwina or Edith, or—oh my God—what if she’s a stripper named Eden? The nickname Eddy is Hebrew for pleasure and delight (I looked it up)—I bet that’s it. I bet this “Eddy” is a stripper from Fresno whose stage name is Eden, and she can always be found lurking around the hospital.

Hang on to your doctors, ladies. That Eddy is a bitch.

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6 thoughts on “Suspicions

  1. Hilarious… But sadly he’s not lying…. Barely anytime to even go pee, if ur lucky enough to go…lol

  2. Lol…love it! Reminds me when my ex could not understand why I could not talk or text him in the middle of the day. It happens…often I don’t even remember getting a text!!! And if it’s on silent–forget it. The worst is when we get no breaks and have to work through lunch! Thank God for protein bars!

  3. Be careful …. You not buying groceries. “Late” to dinners. This E.D. You’re talking about is a mean and tempting mistress!

    *cough cough* eating disorder *cough cough*

    Let’s do an intervention. I can call TLC or the Discovery channel.

    🙂

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